my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
