Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
