Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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