Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
