I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
