I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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