Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She's the barista slut.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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