Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
