i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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