He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
