my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
