dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
