I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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