you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize