Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
