I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
