sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
