Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
