Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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