even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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