I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
