and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wear drunk well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
