I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
