You work out of a Hotel?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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