i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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