can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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