he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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