hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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