Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
