Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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