Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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