We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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