i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
