Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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