making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
