Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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