i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
