How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
