If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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