Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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