so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
