I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
