I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
