Who did Billy Mays play for?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She even gives head with a lisp.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
