I'm going to jail i love you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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