I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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