dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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