My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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