he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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