Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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