There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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