A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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