just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
