You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
