Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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