Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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