I think I died a long time ago.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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