Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
