I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can Purell be used as lube?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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