is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
