she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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