you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
