There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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