some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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