I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
