The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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