The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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