Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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