Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
a search helicopter?!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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