Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
