i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
