I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
even my farts smell like vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
