he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
