The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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