The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I am morally bankrupt
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
