Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
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He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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