BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
