His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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