gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
