Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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