So drunk its hurt
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
