sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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