He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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