Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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