So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
